Holding It Close

I’m back from my time at Camp–Squam Art Workshops–and I’m filled with gratitude, inspiration, and warmth. I felt so beautifully invited into all that Squam is from the moment I arrived. Yes, the lake and scenery is breathtaking and enveloping on their own, but the community created among this group of people is not quite like any other I’ve experienced. Although so many people there were returning to Squam for a second and third time, they opened their arms wide to allow us newbies to walk into their embrace.

This welcoming was critical for me (and many others, I’m sure) as I found myself feeling a bit anxious. I had been so excited all summer, waiting for September to come so I could pack my bags and head to New Hampshire for this creative adventure. But as last Monday and Tuesday rolled around, I started to feel the creep of the “impostor syndrome” descend upon me like so many times before. I started to have thoughts of not fitting in, not being seen, not being creative or artistic enough. I felt like I’d be “found out.” And although many of those feelings of doubt lingered internally, I was only met by love.

I need time to reflect on my experiences at Squam, time to integrate all the pieces. Getting home late on Sunday and diving into work the next day hasn’t allowed me the room to let it all settle. Reality came too quickly and I need to carve out some space to really listen to all the reverberations.

Once I do, I will share more about my journey at Squam–the fabulous people, the terrific workshops, the cozy cabins, the wonderful teachers, and yes, my mental dialogue (and berating of self). Until then, I’m holding it close.

About these ads
This entry was posted in Nature, Refocus, SOOC. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Holding It Close

  1. Melissa says:

    I’m so happy you had a great experience at Squam. The only word that accurately sums it up for me is “Magical”. I know it can be hard to re-enter into our normal everyday lives…I think we’ve all been struggling a bit with that. I hope you are able to take all the wonderful things you discovered about You and integrate it into your daily life. I hope I get to see you again…and not just on the internet :)

  2. Retta says:

    I felt/feel the same way as a newbie to Squam this year. I went there a bit nervous and unsure and came home filled up with possibility and awe at all the beautiful people I met and all the inspiration I brought back with me for my own art work. It was so nice meeting you!

  3. Laura says:

    So happy for you and your experience, Megs! Can’t wait to hear more… xxoo Laura

  4. mary ebers says:

    I didn’t even know you were going to this meghan! Can’t wait to hear mote, sounds great

  5. Karen says:

    I felt EXACTLY the same way.. I am so amazed how many of shared the same feelings. I went from getting there the first day and feeling overwhelmed and out of place to the last day feeling like I was home ..

    I have to process also.

  6. Tanya says:

    I did some catching up on your blog while you were gone, Meghan. Although I once got to camp as a kid, I am very curious to hear even more about your retreat. What a great idea! I wasn’t really aware of camps for “big kids”.
    By the way, I can understand your feelings at your last photo class. I’ve had the same feelings as well. I’ll look forward to hearing about Photo III this fall:)

  7. grace moore says:

    ahhh our heart! you’re a veteran now, my dear x0x0x0x0x0x

  8. Nicola says:

    I think most people felt this way. I was worried that I wasn’t going to be good enough and that the “real” artists wouldn’t like me……talk about back to High School huh? What I didn’t realise is that it’s not really about being an artist at all, it’s about a place where you can be open and authentic enough to be creative. With no pressure. Good luck with your reentry to the real world and hope to meet you next year. xxx

  9. Karen D says:

    Ps – Did you take Jonatha’s “Get to the Chorus” class, I was the newbie hanging with Jen G.
    Hope you are taking care of you as you re-enter from Squam.

  10. So great to meet you, mobile-home-travelling-companion! It’s all still sinking in over here too, where I’m sat by the beach in Cape Cod, smiling at all the magical things that happened
    Beth

  11. Meghan says:

    Karen–YES! I was the other newbie/non-musician in there sitting on the opposite end from you. You were AWESOME!

  12. Karen D says:

    And you were Awesome also!! I thought for sure you were already a songwriter, loved your stuff.
    I was finally able to post about Squam here:
    http://deldino.blogspot.com/2010/09/reflections-on-squam.html

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s