I’ve been in a bit of funk the past few days. Feeling a bit swirly with the madness the end of the academic semester always brings, coupled with the mix of emotions I experience as the holidays approach. There is so much good in my life right now, yet I feel rather blue. I’m trying to honor the up and down of it all, the round and round, and up and down.
Rather than bore you with the gory details of my December melancholy, I’m going to rally around Reverb10 and the prompts from the past few days. The lovely Susannah Conway penned December 10’s prompt on Wisdom: “What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?” This has been a difficult question to sort out as I believe many decisions I made this year were good ones, but the wisest? What comes to mind is the decision I made to have Melissa and Tom of The Long Haul Project come meet my partner and me to interview us about our relationship. This decision was a huge leap of faith in many ways–Melissa and Tom were complete strangers to us, we were going to be videotaped about our marriage for a potential documentary that thousands (millions?) of people might actually see, and I led the charge in jumping into this as my partner skeptically went along for the ride. In other words, this could have been disastrous. But it was incredible. The opportunity to talk about our relationship and reflect on our courtship and the many years we’ve been together was a pure gift to both my partner and me. We came away from that weekend feeling so positively about our relationship and all that we’ve gone through together. We also fell in love with Melissa and Tom. The four of us completely hit it off with the only downside being that we don’t live in the same city. This wise decision allowed me to make new friends while strengthening my relationship with my partner. Brilliant.
December 11’s prompt brought a list: “What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?” Another doozy. Things that immediately come to mind that I don’t need in 2011 — or ever again — are (1) perfectionism, (2) comparison, (3) self-criticism, (4) making myself smaller (I don’t mean dieting!), (5) worry, (6) guilt, (7) people-pleasing, (8) editing my hopes/dreams, (9) saying yes when I want to say no, (10) ignoring my inner voice, and (11) the story of myself that I’ve held onto. I think eliminating these things would be infinitely freeing. The how of shedding these is yet to be determined, but having this list helps in keeping my intentions clear.
Body Integration was the focus of the prompt for December 12: “This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?” The short answer to this is an emphatic “no.” One of my intentions for 2010, ironically, was to focus on mind-body-spirit each day. Ha! Although I started the year reconnecting to my yoga practice that had fallen by the wayside, I faltered in maintaining it. And when I was practicing, I was NOT integrated with mind and body into a cohesive self. I was stuck in self-criticism (see previous paragraph) or thinking about my to-do list. So, no. I didn’t have a moment of an alive, present, cohesive self in 2010. A good goal for 2011.
I LOVE the prompt for yesterday, Action: “When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?” If you read my last post, you know my response to the Beautifully Different prompt was that the way I take risks in seeking out what I want is one thing that makes me different. I do have many aspirations and one of my strengths is taking action and going after them, wholeheartedly. I’m always thinking about the next step and making a plan for it.
I’m feeling slightly less swirly now. It helps to get out of the broken record playing in my head by focusing on these thoughtful prompts about the year behind us and the year ahead of us. What about you–did you make a wise decision this year? have some things you could eliminate for 2011? did you feel integrated? what’s your next step to take action?